check out my spam today. is it just me or does this sound like they’re trying to get me to buy one? like supporting a kid in a 3rd world country…only a lot more shady. (also the FBI found me)
natch, i started a conversation with a nearby office mate. originally thinking it was a preposterous idea, we quickly came to realize that, in fact, every woman EVERYWHERE needs a mail order bride. not for her husband (well maybe for him too but i still really like mine so i’m not sharing. lets keep that one discretionary girls.)
but for HERSELF. because we can help each other. help ME help YOU… help ME…. help YOU Jerry McGuire.
think about it. if there was another woman in your house who would do any/all of the following instead of you:
- clean bathrooms
- laundry
- wash dishes
- change diapers
- pay bills
- other wifely duties
wouldn’t you enlist her IMMEDIATELY?? pretty sure this is a win-win. She can do some of that good old fashioned “earn your keep” sorta stuff. If she doesnt, you can threaten to send her packing back to the homelands. You are off the hook with eons of time to do whatever you want.
- eat bon bons
- catch up on soaps
- shopping
- hobbies
- invent something awesome
- stalk celebrities online
so, i know some of you are thinking “this is bogus! she would TOTALLY revolt with all those chores and probably also spit in my food and teach my kids cuss words in another language”.
make her the “couture assistant” (which is code for “still working for me, but it sounds cooler”. she doesnt speak english so she wont know the difference and people.com makes all that stuff look actually fun):
- chauffer
- personal shopper/stylist
- masseuse
- manicurist
- dog walker
OR BETTER YET- magically infuse her with powers to go to the gym for you. CLONE if you want her to go to your place of employment or visit obligatory people.
i feel like this is a fair trade off for free room and board. what say you?
i was not originally headed on this tangent today. i was going to talk about my most recent cake classes since i mentioned the new blog yesterday. but it was too funny not to share. and sharing is what we do here when i blog at you. although none of you share with me. what gives? i’ll keep calm and tarry on my own.
get ready, because these are very very hideous. much like my red red room from yesterday. only worse if you can imagine it.
OW! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!
before you get all judgey, these are practice cakes. although everyone in every class is really hoping that they’re gonna come out of there with something spectacular. its just not gonna happen cause you’re there to learn and make the mistakes on a cake thats going to no one but you. Needless to say, it has to look appetizing SOMEhow or you will be the one sitting and eating a whole cake.
practice your recipes and space out your classes before someone throws the 21834th cake you’ve brought to the office AT you.
i will not tell you about all the things we learned cause you can gather for yourself from that picture up there. but it was fun and educational as i would hope it would be for the amount of money its taking. of COURSE they show you all these cool things they use to make the job so much easier (yall have no idea. there’s a tool for everything. ev-ry-THING. its embarrassing cause it makes you wonder when the rest of the world is gonna catch on and be like THATS WHAT IVE PAID $1000 FOR??? yall i promise i will not charge you $1000. unless it is the cake for the universe. cause that’s sortof a big deal.)
this whole experience is like any other class you have in your life. There are the back row slackers, the 100-question askers, the awkward hermits, the knowitalls, the sorority girls, and of course ME the goody observer that doesnt ask questions but takes excellent notes and generally enjoys the class itself but not particularly anyone in it. Potential competition- i cannot afford to be making friends.
this one ended up being a big intro class to cake making in general. not bad but probably could have skipped it. the BONUS was the few recipes the teacher shared that are no doubt THE BOMB!!! otherwise it was about leveling and icing, etc. a bit of piping which clearly means practice! i tried to be more trendy with the red/teal combo that is so hot right now. but in this instance, i fear it ended up more like sesame street than glam.
eh.
thats it. its almost friday so get excited and order cakes! order me a bride, get a free cake!
This is evidence that someone is reading your blog
I love the sheen on the pink cake. Looks very professional!